I believe that love shouldn't be confound by laws or regulation. I whole heartedly believe that you should be able to be yourself.
This year, attending the festival in the midst of a fragile relationship I felt so out of place. I can't help it. The one I love is seeking to sleep with one of the men in this group. He doesn't care who or how he just wants it.
He wants it more than he cares about how I feel and he wants it regardless if it means we can't be together. See, all I asked for was monogamy. He said yes.
Seems that he's allowed to change his mind regardless of a promise to me.
At this point, it seems I stay out of purely selfish reasons. Because the idea being away from him hurts. It's an emotion so strong I can't breathe.
I should let him go. I know that. I stifle him and I'm too square to fit into his world. So everyday, he picks a fight and blames me. And everyday I take it. It's my fault he isn't happy. It's fucked up really. I can't understand his thought process. He refuses to share with me. Another thing I should just accept.
This world isn't for me. No matter how much I love him. Mainly, because he doesn't want me there. I'm not invited into his world. I need to accept that.
I just don't know how.
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