The hardest choices in life

I haven't any idea how to write this.  I need to move my emotions from my heart to my fingertips,   I just don't know what to write.  I want to express how much I love him.  I want to say that I still want us to work. But I think what I need to actually say here is that I acknowledge him.

I know he loves me.  I see him for him.  I see when he hides.  I see when he lies to himself and then me.  I know his needs.  

I also love the things he does for me.   I love that he thinks of me at night by turning on the blanket.  I love that he cooks and cleans without much complaining.  Here is why I love him:

Regardless of us or no us, everyone should know why they should be loved. As a friend or a lover- this is who you are and what you have to offer to whomever comes after me: 

1. He showed me that I can be loved.  I am petrified that I'm unlovable.  I'm difficult, moody and emotional.  But he showed me that love is possible.  A hug, a kiss, a swipe down my back and over my butt.  He can curl me into his arms and smile as he kisses me on the head.  I see this is love.  I absolutely relished every movement he made to express his love for me.

2.  I remember a time we were snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef and the awe I saw in his eyes.  I sometimes felt as though I didn't effect him.  I didn't rub off, but I remember the times he stepped out of his comfort zones for me and I don't think he regrets that.

3.  I love you for dancing for me, whether in a night club (that you hated) or the dancing lessons (you enjoyed!).  

4. I remember every time you placed your arms around me when we were in public.  Showing me affection is something I needed.  Desperately.  It's embarrassing to admit.  And worse, its absolutely difficult to write and see it in black and white.  But this is something I need.  Thrived on, makes me feel beautiful.  Loved.

5.  The mornings you'd roll over and take me in your arms.  I love you for thinking of me and keeping me in your arms.

6. You never pulled away from me when I'd brush up against you under the blanket. Cold feet, cold hands, cold body - you just absorbed it.

7. It's coffee time!   You took to that song and ran with it as it were your own.  You wake up every morning in a really good mood.  You'd let me be grumpy and agitated, sleeping in until my eyes didn't burn when they opened.  

8.  You let me blog about you. It never bothered you when I posted on social platforms intimate moments that I had to share.  

9. When you are sincerely happy you smile with your eyes. You are nevermore beautiful then when this happens. 

10. You were the perfect lover. Giving. And stayed how much you enjoyed receiving. That means a lot to a girl.   I remember the first time you told me you enjoyed my blow job to you.  A fact now that I find ironic and the memory kind of hurts. 

11. You put up with a lot of shit without exploding. That point alone makes you amazing. 

12.  I love that you want a family.  I wanted to give that to you.  I love to see you with little T and the smile you have when playing with him.

13. I love that you have a location to get married.  I even like the fact that you want to be proposed to.  You deserve it. You deserve to be loved in the most unconditional way.

 14. When you are happy- you are giddy. It's adorable to watch. 

15. I love that you see a woman as equal in a relationship.  I love that you push the bias' on gender.  That you don't allow one to expect something from a female that wouldn't be expected from a male.  That roles aren't defined by sex.

16.  I love that you said you love me immensely.  

17. You have a need to be loved. Regardless of you fighting it- you love knowing someone loves you.  The next one needs to make sure to show you. I hope they don't ever take these things for granted. 

18. Amazing cock- perfect length and girth and you know how to use it to please. T

19. You iron your clothes. Enough said. 

20. You're patience is amazing. How many times have we had to turn around to get something I'd forgotten. 

21. I'd change 900 times and you were never annoyed-that didn't go unnoticed. 

22.  I loved the way you listen to me ramble.  When laying in bed and I wouldn't stop talking.  I love that you wanted to hear what I said.

23. You think ahead. It's a strength to my weakness.  

24.  You offer stability, you're grounded, predictable.   I know you thought this drove me crazy.  I didn't.  I need that.  It draws me to you.  

 
25.  I drove you crazy bringing dirt and sand into your car.  But you let me.  You let me be a mess.  

26.  You don't stay absorbed in video games.  I can't tell you how much I love that about you.
27. The video  <3

I don't want to write another sad piece.  I don't want to express how hurt I am.  I don't want to do anything right now, but to acknowledge why I love him.